Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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