He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
