my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
