I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
