My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
