Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
