i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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