I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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