That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
