when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
