The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
