I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
