Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
