Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
