She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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