So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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