Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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