I could make wine with my vomit
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i think im in europe. pls send help
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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