you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
