Even the bartender felt bad for me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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