He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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