This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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