i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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