I hate your face
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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