ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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