she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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