are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
