My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
