I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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