So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
