You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
