just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
