I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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