There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
