I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
