Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
