i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
