I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
