I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
