Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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