she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
