Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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