Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
