Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
