eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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