She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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