Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
