Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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