It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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