So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
